It is world mental health day and I’m not having a good day. I have been through a lot in my life and life constantly seems to send me constant obstructions I have to find my way around and hurdles to jump.
some days I can manage the hurdles and other I don’t have the energy to climb over them never mind jump and sometimes I just want to crawl under them and hide from them. I know hiding from them gets me nowhere and usually you come to one you can’t jump over, climb over and can’t hide under either.
Some people think I am so brave and an inspiration but they don’t see me when I’m crying they only see me when I put my face on my hair done and my fancy clothes and to the world my life is wonderful. They don’t see the pain I experience they don’t know what’s going on in my head neither do I sometimes to be honest or know about the hurdles I keep trying to climb over but just keep failing and don’t have the energy to even try anymore.
The supermum that gets their kids to school, homework done, after school activities, birthday parties, outings, holidays, clothes, toys for Xmas and birthdays. Being a mum is a full time job and also very expensive so how do I afford it I don’t I borrow from credit cards, loans whatever to give my kids the life they deserve one of my hurdles. Coping with a job and kids on your own, can’t get a babysitter, child throws up as you walk out the door, trips cuts her knee, spills milk down the front of their uniform, dog escapes out of the house and runs after neighbours dog all seems funny I know but it’s the impact kids late for school, im late for work. This is stress, then one of them forgets their lunch, one hasn’t got her note, one has 2 different socks, one has her trainers on instead of her school shoes? Am I a bad mum????
I try my best to get everything right but doesn’t always happen my brain has that much to remember sometimes things slip so I beat myself up about it now no im human and not a super woman.
So the job yeah working in an office, clocking in spending an hour of my life or more depending on how many broken down cars and accidents there have been that morning or evening, am I going to be late for work if so how and when do I make up the time, will I get into trouble, on way home will I get to the nursery or school on time if not who will collect them, the kids will be upset the school will think I’m a bad mum, how do you do it all? I don’t know I still haven’t figured it out.
school activities I can’t afford but kids love so we have no food or electricity for a few days but at least they get to do what they love only joking not quite there yet. But as they grow up they have homework and who helps with that me of course I have to make sure they are progressing well in school that they are well mentally and physically, that they attend all activities more money I know have the right uniform more money have to have birthday parties otherwise they get left out of things.
So what do I do??? Lie down and give in to it all? No I can’t I have to cope, I have to provide for my kids and give them the life they deserve, I have to set up my own business and I have to make it work.
Even when you have all this crap going on with money worries, no job, lonely, stressed you do it because you love your kids you pull yourself out of bed feed them dress them, leave them to school and try to earn a living someday. It’s so hard, I’m not looking for sympathy there are people are worse off than me who are amazing and inspirational people coping wit sick kids or physical illnesses and that is why I want to help them live happier and healthier lives and that is why I started working for Isagenix to help people live healthier lives and clear out all of the toxins that are causing all of these deadly diseases and why I started this blog and set up Moodfit to help people to learn how to eat properly, stop using food as a way of coping with our emotions and situations in our lives I’ve done it my whole life from an eating disorder which started in my early teens
I used food as a way to deal with my homelife and my low self confidence and hatred for myself. I starved myself and when stressed I got really thin so when I got married and we started trying for kids it didn’t happen as I thought after some treatment to help us conceive I had a miscarriage and a few months later got pregnant with Mya which I had been told was very unlikely to ever happen so after nearly 2 years of waiting for Mya I didn’t want the same to happen with baby number 2 unfortunately it was worse this time the first treatment didn’t work so I then had to object myself everyday with harmone injections have invasive scans then head to work to do a days work then collect Mya then tea and all my other duties. This went on for 2 years I was a mess so exhausted and depressed, everywhere I went there were babies and pregnant women I was consumed with this and I disappeared. I couldn’t laugh, or smile life was so hard. So after a miscarriage again we went for IVF thinking this would be the end of the journey with a happy ending this did not happen we went through it and it didn’t happen, I accepted it and went back to living having fun,’put on weight, exercises less, had a few drinks you get the idea then the little miracle happened and I fell pregnant with Cara. So I had lots of hurdles but I never gave up, my fertility problems were unexplained but I believe it was my lifestyle while i thought I was healthy I had low body fat, a low carb diet, I ran and was depressed and stressed this is not the right environment for a baby to be conceived.
Sk j had my 2 babies and a good job so everything was perfect right? So I thought but life was hard having went through what we did and life was stressful working and bringing up 2 kids and eventually our marriage ended and I was left a single mom of 2 kids. This was the hardest thing I went through I thought the fertility treatment was hard but this was worse. What had I done wrong? Clearly I thought it was all my fault but there are two people in a marriage so take step to make or break a marriage. I’m not going into the details but it took me a long time to cope with being on my own, the financial responsibility, having to do everything from work to collecting and leaving kids, homework’s everything but I did it it’s been damn hard dealing with all of the ups and downs of a marriage breakdown but I have survived. I am a survivor and I want to let others know you can do it, there are ways to fix things and get support.
All of the things that have happened I have linked back to one thing exercise and nutrition and that is why I set up my Moodfit programme. I believe my issues throughout my life were affected by my eating habits and exercise which has a huge impact on depression. So yes I do suffer from depression and I now use food in a good way to help give me energy, mental clarity and ability to deal with stress. I don’t want to be skinny anymore I thought this made me happy it doesn’t I need to look after my body be #strongnotskinny and that why I changed my diet to include more food to help with my depression and exercises that are gentler on the body and mind and make me stronger not weaker.
If you want more info on how to change your life and not let depression take it over then contact me or learn more about my diet online at Moodfit.co.uk or book an appointment with me on Facebook moodycowmum
If you can get your body and mind strong you can deal with anything, don’t let depression control your life, take your life back.
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