My baby journey started 11 years ago

Can’t believe it was 10 years ago Mya my little miracle came into my life after being told I would probably never have any children. This information devastated me that I would never be a mummy.

So many women suffer in silence while going through fertility treatment, working full time jobs and looking after maybe other kids. Going through fertility treatment was hell for my emotional, physical and mental health. After going through all this I now know the key to better fertility is no stress, no toxins in your body, gentle exercise and being in a really happy place. This sounds impossible I know for anyone who has gone through it or is going through it.

Our harmones are so easily disturbed by stress, toxins, too much exercise, poor nutrition and depression. The processes you go through are so demanding on you and drive you in an obsession and depression so low. This is one of the reasons I have set up my business Moodfit to help women be healthy and happy because if you’re harmones aren’t in a good place you will not be able to conceive and will be depressed. The way fertility treatment assessment is done is wrong, my BMI wasn’t checked, I wasn’t told to change my lifestyle to help my chances and my infertility to this day was unknown.

After a year of trying for Mya we were sent for fertility treatment, which did work but unfortunately I miscarried this was horrendous, and the hospital sent me home and I sat at home barely moved in the hope my baby was still alive. After two weeks of anxiety I had another scan but there was nothing there.

I was sent home, the nurse was very blunt and no support offered. I just wanted to hide, but unfortunately life goes on I went back to work couldn’t function at all but you just have to pull yourself together and think is this it.

About 5 months later I fell pregnant, and after doing so many negative ones you find it hard to believe. Then you are too scared to do anything in case you miscarriage. I was so careful stopped running and eating so healthily. After 9 months she came along my miracle baby was here. My pregnancy had been fine and after I thought I was fine. It was tough not getting enough sleep, trying to get your confidence back, being at home, having little money as you weren’t working. I had depression but didn’t know though it was just normal and I was just tired same as everyone else.

I had coping mechanisms so I planned out my weeks, one day was shopping, one day meet a friend, one day pj day, one day cleaning day only way I could cope.

Then it’s back to work full time, Mya was in Nursery and I missed her so much broke my heart every morning I left her and felt so guilty. I know I did need work as sometimes we get so caught up being mummies we forget who we were before and forget we have brains.

It is hard work but then it got even harder for me as when Mya was 1 we decided to try for baby number 2 knowing it had taken us nearly 2 years to conceive Mya. Things didn’t go as smoothly this time, had the same treatment as last time didn’t work, so then we went through 3 years of fertility treatment that involved going to the hospital at 7am in the morning or injections and invasive scans, this was several days a week sometimes then I drove to work did a full day collected Mya then home to do tea, housework, baths bedtime etc. I was exhausted emotionally, physically and mentally. Every month you thought this is the one it will work and month after month of negative tests it was the same answer, I hated pregnancy tests so much. And as time went on others got pregnant, had babies, then another and we were still trying. Life became so hard I was so obsessed and wouldn’t, couldn’t give up and everywhere i went there were pregnant women and new born babies so happy and all I could feel was resentful that it wasn’t me and that the world was so unfair.

So after living through this for 3 years we got our FREE IVF treatment and I was convinced this was it the end of our journey, but it wasn’t it failed and I couldn’t take anymore.

After over 3 years of pumping my body full of hormone drugs I don’t know what these have done to my body but I couldn’t do it anymore. I decided to go back to my life and live again I started eating more, having fun, chilling out, spending more time with Mya then a few months later my little miracle Cara came along I couldn’t believe it. I thought it was never going to happen.

We had went to the fertility clinic for a check up and assess where we were going to go from then and we decided we wouldn’t go for IVF again just yet but try a more natural approach and just took some tablets to help with my ovulation so the doctor told me to do a test before starting the tablets, so I had planned it out that I would start before we went on holiday as I would be relaxed and a better chance of conceiving. So before I started the treatment I took the test and couldn’t believe what it said I think it was the first time I had done a test and expected a negative so it was a real shock and such a relief. Of course after 3 years of treatment the anxiety did not end every day was so hard especially getting to the 3 month stage and at my first scan. I was so scared to look at the screen after so many times looking at an empty screen I was too scared to look then I did and I just burst out crying as I couldn’t believe there was actually a wee baby there.

Cara was born my little miracle and I am so grateful for her and her sister Mya. I went through hell to have them both and are my everything.

I now know it was down to all the things I mentioned above, is fertility treatment the right way or do we need to just reassess our lifestyles before entering into this horrific treatment. You are not alone. I was one of the luck ones who had not one but two babies the second one took over 3 years of treatment and was then conceived naturally after a failed IVF treatment. Take away the stress, eat a bit more of nutritional food and sensible exercise and your chances will be better.

Anyone need advice a chat, whatever don’t suffer in silence, talk to someone, a friend a counsellor. People judged me because I was so into myself, exhausted, depressed and full of harmones and no one understood what was wrong with me they just thought I was a moody cow.

So never judge a book by its cover read a few pages then maybe ask that person if they are ok and if they want to talk about it if you asked me that I would have burst out crying.

Unfortunately life can be cruel but these hurdles were sent to make us stronger and find our purpose in life. It will all make sense eventually just keep battling and most importantly be selfish look after yourself and put yourself first more often than you’re used to, take some time out for you, get to know you and most importantly love yourself.

There is so much pressure to be perfect mum, wife, perform in work, look perfect and still have a smile on our faces.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help or say you can’t cope with whatever is going on in your life. Sometimes you need to take a break from everything and assess your life. Am I happy? Am I happy with my job, my worklife balance or a relationship.

Don’t be afraid of change, you need to be happy we only get one life after all.

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love yourself

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